Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper or your self-confidence.
Robert Frost
Confidence is an important and loosely defined concept. It might be helpful to break it down and define specific types of confidence. Barbara DeAngelis talks about three types of confidence you need to master: behavioral confidence, emotional confidence and spiritual confidence.
Behavioral confidence means confidence in your ability to act and get things done in your life. Emotional confidence relates to your beliefs and awareness of your feelings. It’s a critical component required for maximizing joy. Spiritual confidence is your acceptance of the universe. It means that the mysteries of the universe shouldn’t be a deterrent from going forth boldly and living live fully. Finding the appropriate balance is somewhat of a juggling act and ties into your values, beliefs and temperament. Without some form of spiritual confidence, I think one will suffer from perpetual restlessness. Buddhism, meditation and acceptance of uncertainty promote serenity in my life.
Without spiritual confidence, you are somewhat handicapped in fully developing behavioral and emotional confidence. If we have high behavioral confidence, we might achieve material wealth and business success but still feel empty and unfulfilled. If we have a high level of emotional confidence but have low behavioral confidence, we could be very empathetic and compassionate and yet have trouble meeting our responsibilities and functioning effectively in the physical world (e.g. holding down a job or being financially competent). Becoming a confident person means developing your confidence to a healthy level in all three areas: spiritual, behavioral and emotional. Spiritual confidence allows one not to be hampered by the unknowns and uncertainty of the universe. Communing with nature is a good exercise in developing spiritual confidence. I think we are all humbled but comforted by looking up at the stars or gazing upon the ocean. Behavioral confidence requires action rather than excessive contemplation. Action is the path to properly managing and overcoming fear. It’s also one of the main determinants in realizing one’s potential which provides a sense of wonderful fulfillment. Emotional confidence begins with awareness. Heightened awareness doesn’t necessarily dictate behavior but uncovers choices not previously considered. Emotional confidence helps us connect with other humans in a loving and meaningful way. We are all works in progress and constantly balancing the various aspects of our lives. Confidence is critical to living the good life we all aspire to.
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{ 22 comments… read them below or add one }
This was great for me. I am working on making my life more balanced and trying to understand myself better. I definitely want to learn more about my spiritual confidence – do you know of any books that focus on this specifically? Thanks so much for a great read (as always)!
Julia recently posted..Don’t Be Afraid to Trust Your Decisions
Hi Julia,
I honestly don’t have a single book that helps in my quest for spiritual confidence. I read a lot and when a book has meaning for me I usually buy it and catalog in http://www.librarything.com/
for later reference. I also go to great lengths make sure that I have a steady supply of good reading material coming my way. I wrote a blog on this http://www.getting-unstuck.com/personal-growth/how-a-librarian-finds-good-books-and-more-time-to-read/ Hope this helps a little bit.
Riley
riley harrison recently posted..CONFIDENCE – WHAT DOES IT REALLY MEAN?
Yeah Riley, I also came up with the three different levels of confidence. I would say that emotional confidence had been the toughest for me because I tend to keep going and going.
When I am more relaxed and at ease then emotional confidence is not a problem. It’s a juggling act to say the least.
Justin@Mazzastick recently posted..Have You Given Up On Your Dreams
Hey Justin,
When I get off to a good start for the day my emotional confidence is high and not much bothers me. Negative people and put down comments aren’t relevant. On the other hand if I get off to a bad start, I seem to be overly sensitive to what others might say. So I focus on getting off to a really good start each day.
Riley
riley harrison recently posted..CONFIDENCE – WHAT DOES IT REALLY MEAN?
Hi Riley!
I’ve not seen it broken down this way before (wow), but it makes perfect sense. For me, I found that Spiritual Confidence isn’t just about accepting the Universe, but as part of that Universe, accepting ourselves. We are part of that energy and as such, we are always protected, accepted and loved. When we fully realize this we know that we’re never alone, we can never be excluded, criticism is irrelevant and we can never, ever be unloved. That was one of the most powerful insights of my life. I had never equated it with a rise in confidence before, but I suppose that’s exactly what it brought about.
Thanks for the powerful awareness.
Super hugs for you!
Melody
Melody | Deliberate Receiving recently posted..What If Two People Use The Law Of Attraction To Manifest Opposite Things?
Hey Melody,
Your definition and understanding of our relationship to the universe is more joyous than mine. I
see the universe as neutral force that doesn’t take sides or play favorites. I can accept that understanding and still enjoy the wonder and mystery of it all.
Riley
riley harrison recently posted..CONFIDENCE – WHAT DOES IT REALLY MEAN?
Confidence is nice because one of the stressors in this life is our reactions to how we perceive people.
I say this because last night on the John Tesh radio show he said there are health benefits (for lowering blood pressure?) from a walk in the park but not for a walk along a city sidewalk.
And last weekend in an old Andy Rooney essay I found that people remember the trivial factoids, in the newspaper filler spaces, easier than they remember real news, because the factoids are value neutral. And so I conclude my reactions to the presence of people, value laden and non-netural, is the problem. And I guess I hate being judged.
Spirituality can help then if I see us all from a bigger perspective than my little life.
sean crawford recently posted..Quality TV and Battlestar Galactica
Hi Sean,
Well I guess I don’t mind being judged if it’s consistent with the way I see myself. “how we perceive people” – first impressions are so indelible. Unfortunately sometimes we get it wrong. I haven’t heard from you for a while. Good to hear from you. How is your summer going? I’m getting ready for a 5 week trips overseas and can’t wait.
Riley
riley harrison recently posted..CONFIDENCE – WHAT DOES IT REALLY MEAN?
Riley, I really like the way you broke down the elements that make up confidence. I never gave it much thought, but there was always something nagging me about my own confidence. There was some secret ingredient missing to make it all click. For me, I think it’s the behavioral confidence. I always felt confident, but when facing down something material like a new skill or task, I would have that empty spot big enough for resistance to move in and make a mess of it. Your post really resonated with me in that area. Now that I can see the qualities you listed here, it’s seems so clear. Clarity is a wonderful thing. Now I can go forth and create a symphony of confidence with all three sections playing in harmony. Thanks for the schooling.
Have a brilliant trip! Five weeks sounds heavenly!
Rosie Taylor recently posted..#trust30 – Fire Up
Hi Rosie,
I’m glad you gained some clarity and hope you can create that harmony. Good luck in the future.
Riley
riley harrison recently posted..CONFIDENCE – WHAT DOES IT REALLY MEAN?
Hi Riley good read – I’ve never heard of Barbara DeAngelis, I checked out some of her work, thanks for the introduction. In my experience Spiritual confidence is the root of all forms of confidence. its innate, its the quite confidence you find in young children. Thanks again for the intro
Blessing
Be well
Be great
Hi Lloyd,
Kathy is a children’s literature consultant who travels the country giving talks on the importance of getting kids to read. I had to share your life story with her – very inspirational. Wish you the best.
Riley
riley harrison recently posted..FRIENDS – PRICELESS ASSETS OR COSTLY LIABILITIES?
Hi Riley,
Nice to “see” you again.
Confidence was always a major issue in my life and I still struggle with it a lot. People with a greater confidence in themselves start things with a different energy and a believe that they will have a great result, while people with low self confidence will always have failure and guilt on their mind, which really sabotages their efforts.
Even though I can understand this, it’s still hard to bring up those happy thoughts…
Anyway, I’m still and will always be fighting to better myself.
Have a great week,
Susana
susana recently posted..Smoke Signals from the Soul
Well hi Susana. How goes the battle? You are correct if failure isn’t put in proper perspective and guilt/shame gets drawn into the equation then one’s confidence takes a hit. I really think the only way to avoid failure is not to do much. Failure is just a natural part of life and has to be experienced on the way to higher success. I wish you the best; keep hanging in there.
Riley
riley harrison recently posted..FRIENDS – PRICELESS ASSETS OR COSTLY LIABILITIES?
Hi Riley. I’ve been faithfully reading your posts, but with nothing to say. My summer: No disappointments, and some contentment about projects. My stuff is better organized than ever before.
In fact, this week I took some books out from under my sink and recycled them. My hope is that books will appear again as I need them, and they might not disappear from where I store them at the used bookstore. My storage locker is overcrowded.
Holidays: It’s a day and a half to drive to see my aged parents. Dad is nearly 92; I always wonder if they will survive the winter. I went out in June and I’ll go again in midOctober after the company audit is finished. I look forward to going. I enjoy having coffee in various cafes, there and back, as opposed to drinking behind the wheel.
sean crawford recently posted..Citizenship After 9/11
Sean,
I’m glad that you are a regular reader. Part of my criteria for successful blogging is the quality of the readership. I really like intelligent thinking people to read my blog. Hope the trip to see your dad is a good experience for both you and your parents.
Riley
riley harrison recently posted..FRIENDS – PRICELESS ASSETS OR COSTLY LIABILITIES?
Love the way you broke down confidence into its three component parts, Riley.
I’ve always found that my confidence grows the most (spiritual, emotional or behavioral) when I simply get up and do. I’ve never found much boost to my confidence by contemplating or analyzing, only by doing. When I get up and perform (in any or all of the 3 dimensions of confidence), then I tend to slowly become more comfortable and more confident. I demonstrate that I CAN do a thing, overcome a problem, live with more joy and peace, and my confidence grows.
Awesome post, Riley. You always have such wonderful angles you cast familiar topics in. Thanks for that!
Ken Wert recently posted..Enduring the Unendurable
Hi Ken,
I agree with you Ken, action is so much more effective than passive contemplation. I suspect you are gearing up for another school year. Reading your “about” page makes it obvious that you have a lot to offer and there is certainly a demand for good teachers (and mentors and role models). Good luck and get those kids off to a great start in life!
Riley
riley harrison recently posted..FRIENDS – PRICELESS ASSETS OR COSTLY LIABILITIES?
I guess a good healthy balance is needed? Too much confidence can make you lose sight of the big picture. One needs to know his place, else instead of getting higher he’ll even lose the position he already has.
Lynn Sanders@How To Become Medical Assistant recently posted..What Does A Medical Assistant Do?
For me, the meaning of confidence is having the belief in ourselves. Having the mindset that you can come through when everybody else might be thinking otherwise. Not everyone has the right confidence and some even confuse confidence with arrogance.
Tim Ryan@naples park real estate recently posted..Selling your Home During the Summer
So there are three types of confidence and they should get along to achieve total confidence in a person. In my opinion, spiritual confidence should be the first one to work for. It says in the Bible, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me”. Through this text, you can have the confidence in ALL that you do
I need work in all 3 types of confidence! But that’s why I read your site, to try and help me with that.
I know you said one can help their spiritual confidence in many ways…and I do feel that being in nature helps me get more in touch with my spirituality, but praying really helps me too. I don’t follow one particular religion, but praying, talking and hoping that Someone bigger than me is out there listening somehow puts my mind at east…