A wise man knows everything; a shrewd one, everybody.
Anonymous
What’s the criteria for the people you associate with; especially those from whom you seek counsel to encourage growth or to assist in the pursuit of goals. Friendship isn’t enough. This isn’t diminishing the value of friends. It’s understanding the purpose of relationships. With some relationships you expect no more than enjoyment and renewal – a really stretched analogy is the relationship I have with my cat whom I adore. No expectations, I just enjoy the company of a loyal pet whose been with me for 13 years. I have a few friends that fall into the same category. You have to know your agenda and match that with the person’s ability to help you. You need to be proactive and seek those people out. You are looking for people that can add value to your life. These basic questions might help you create a starting point in the selection process:
- In what way does this individual add value to my life?
- Do I trust this person?
- Is the chemistry right?
We need a criteria to help us find the right people for the task at hand. If we were looking for a job, we would call this networking. If someone were expanding their company it would be part of the hiring practice.
Success depends on understanding the dynamics of networking and the importance of networking with the right people. If you have no criteria, how do you identify the right people. Networking is a skill poorly understood and seldom properly developed.
Today in the business world virtual teams are assembled on an ad hoc basis. This is 21st century thinking: people band together for a common purpose or goal and then disband.
The team concept and the power of delegation are stumbling blocks for many. We may be uncomfortable working with others and prefer to be “lone wolves.” Some prefer to do everything themselves rather than delegate. Many are uncomfortable listening to others. These are all behaviors that guarantee that you will remain small in what you accomplish and contribute. They also stunt the growth process; intellectual stimulation is lessened and you rely and practice lessons you have learn in the past. Ben Jonson said “He that is taught only by himself has a fool for a master.”
Make it second nature to ask yourself “Who do I know who can help me with this?” Always be on the lookout for ideas. It doesn’t matter who thought of the idea, it’s the value of the idea that matters. Consider the words of Goethe “To accept good advice is but to increase one’s own ability.”
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{ 28 comments… read them below or add one }
Hi Riley, on another blog, Penelope’s, your comment of yesterday is right below mine. Neat! It’s a small world… because I only notice the folks who get involved in the community. I’ve seen you there before, and on another bookmarked blog, Scott’s, too. (I wish essayists weren’t so rare)
My criteria is: In the event of danger, would this person be willing to get involved? My boss’s criteria is: Would I have gone for coffee with the person back in university?
sean crawford recently posted..Democracy is Not a Farce
Hey Sean,
Penelope is a genius and for me there is no better writer on the internet. As I once told my politically correct boss (just before he fired me for the third time), I wouldn’t want you in my foxhole during wartime.
Riley
Hi Riley,
I like the way you use the example of your cat vs someone who can help you excel. Another good post Riley. Having an open mind and being intelligent about who you associate with opens up the doors to learning in both directions. learning off each other is great!
Teamwork is always much better than solo. So much more can be learned and so much more can get done with teamwork. Always have an open mind you will always invite fresh new ideas.
Terry Conti
Terry Conti recently posted..The Fuel to Reach your Goals
Hi Terry,
You got it. Hope all is going well for you.
Riley
This was a pretty hard nosed article Riley but I agree.
To be able to function we need help from other people, some as friends, some as mentors, some as coaches, others to help with certain tasks, some just to exchange ideas with and so on.
We need other people, we live in an interdependant world.
Daniel M. Wood recently posted..Motivational Tip 4 – Learning Time Management
Daniel,
I really believe in the power of networking and the need to be discriminating as to who you listen to and who you let into your life. I was at a networking event recently which consisted of a bunch of unemployed people exchanging business cards with each other. Do you really think they were networking with the right people?
Riley
What kind of an even was that?
Sounds really weird to just gather a bunch of unemployed people, were their no companies hiring at the event?
Daniel M. Wood recently posted..Motivational Tip 5 – Motivating Yourself with Self – Affirmations
It was weird but was billed as a networking event.
Riley
Hey Riley,
I don’t consciously think about what I want in a relationship (my bad?!) but follow what feels right. I agree that different relationships occupy different places in our lives and in our hearts. I’m learning more and more to trust what feels right and the voice that guides me is becoming daily more clear and loud!
More and more I find support in the people around me for projects I am doing. It’s really uncanny how my niece is in PR, my daughter’s friend is a master of Social media, and my son, since the age of 14, has been a computer whiz. It seems there is always someone around me who has the answers to the questions I’m asking. Pretty cool!
And now I have you with whom to exchange witty quips and pull out all my words like doppleganger and propinquity! (Just picked up a new one today – “maelstrom” – not a great meaning , but a great word!)
But I digress. I don’t wish to play life small. And I seem to be surrounded by people who help me think big – people like you!
Lori
Lori Gosselin recently posted..Online- Offline- Are You the Same
Hey Lori,
I suspect you have good intuitive skills that lead you to good decision making.And you sound like you have some pretty good people in your life. Having the right people in your life comes naturally to you but many have to be proactive and make it happen.
Riley
Now I need to know, who is this Penelope who receives such high praise?!
The older I get, the more I see that in all aspects of life, not just work, people are truly divine messengers. The more irritated I am by someone else’s comment or idea, the more I know I need to focus on it and consider it. Most of the time they are expanding my mind to what could be or to what is true that I am ignoring or not admitting. I guess I am one of those people who sometimes have to learn things the hard way (working on changing that!).
Julie recently posted..Why I Dont Do Soul Realignment But You Might Want To Have It Done
Hello Julie,
Here is a link to Penelope site http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/ . When you learn how not to do things the hard way, you are going to have to share that wisdom with the rest of us.
Riley
Hi Riley,
Excellent post! We all learn from each other, so networking is crucial. As they say “having two minds better than one mind.” We all need help from time to time from some people such as parents, our partner, friends, bosses etc… It is the interaction that helps us grow as humans. Thanks for sharing my friend
Dia recently posted..Peace of mind
Hi Dia,
Always a pleasure to hear from you. Good input – thanks.
Riley
Hey Riley
I think humility also plays a big part in selecting our co-partners in life and in business. Excepting, as you said, that you don’t know everything. I have some people who I collaborate with whom I respect, and have been able to compartmentalise the part of our relationship that is business based. However ,sometimes I struggles with the communication side of it,maybe this is interlinked with chemistry. When faced with communication hurdles to overcome, with people or situations in my life that are less important, my usual response is just to bounce pretty quickly. I’m learning that communication and chemistry are difficult things to standardise and that I have to become more adept at moderating my communication style or accepting theirs, if I want the relationship to be fruitful.
Stacey Herbert recently posted..Silence- The Breakfast Of Champions
Hey Stacey,
You are being thoughtful and conscious about the process. I’m not saying that it’s easy or that occasionally we don’t screw it up, but just realize the influence and sway others have over us and act accordingly and attempt to act in your best interest.
Riley
Hi Riley,
Excellent post. How do I choose my allies?
Of course based on what they can do for me. Or do I? Sometimes, we chose people based on what we can do for them. To build somebody up. To pull a small blogger out of the blogging hole.
Sometimes we talk to somebody who doesn’t share our views, just to learn something new.
Sometimes we comment on No-Follow blogs, even without getting a link ( ouch;).
Sometimes it’s a spare of the moment sort of thing, just to enjoy humanity.
Another question would be: Does this individual add value now? If not now, maybe she will add value in the future?
Thanks for allowing me to comment on your blog and not deleting my comments for being a bit contrary;)
Derek
Hi Derek,
I agree with all that you say. My point is just to be conscious about it and not default to just letting anyone or any influence into your life. It’s your life and you want it to be the best it can be.
Riley
I must piggy-back here as I agree with ‘the Derek’ with a little addition.
Help those I can. Seek help when I need it. I have friends in both areas.
Live it LOUD!
Rob recently posted..It Is Not The Critic Who Counts
Riley,
You said: “Success depends on understanding the dynamics of networking and the importance of networking with the right people. ”
This is true not only in finding a job or business but also in life in general. We, humans, are essentially social being. We thrive by networking with other human – and other species, too (say, a cat)!
Since we are social being, it is natural for us to seek out the social sphere. We are constantly “looking for people that can add value to [our] life. ”
I have to check out Penelope. thanks for the link!
Marlon @ productivity bits recently posted..Top 10 Productivity Tools For Chromebook
Hi Marlon,
We are constantly “looking for people that can add value to [our] life. ” Exactly and we need to be conscious about it. Why would we want to need people that add negative thought and actions to our life. We are so easily influence by our relationships that we need to be selective as to we hang with.
Riley
Hi Riley,
I have the same thought process as you when it comes to building relationships. How can this person help me and how can I help them. Does their upside trump their downside and so on.
I look for people who are successful in an area that I may not be yet. By involving myself with them I hope to “sponge up” some of their knowledge and skills.
Deal breaker relationships are drama queens, whiners, lazy, and lack of integrity.
Justin@Mazzastick recently posted..Laughter Is The Antidote For Fear
Hello Justin,
I am very wary of dysfunctional relationships and do my best to avoid them. Until I master unconditional love, I’m going to be somewhat selective as to who I associate with. Like begets like and negativity is contagious.
Riley
Hi,
I have to admit it, I’ve been reading a lot of interesting and hard to understand artistic things, but this article beat them all. I love this article, it’s way too inspiring and good. Great example the one with the cat. Thanks for sharing!
Joshua@Plumbing courses recently posted..Plumbing Certification
Hello Joshua
Thanks for the kind words. Please come and visit again.
Riley
Hey Riley!
Great Point! New Age is really focused on having team of your to succeed. Business, work or anything now is treated like a basketball or football team, we work together to get our goal.
Armand Polanski
Armand Polanski recently posted..Driving in an Endless Road
Hi Armand,
Thanks. I really like the name of your blogsite and plan to check it out and read a couple of blogs
Riley
I concur to everything you say here. A wise person chooses his companions. If you notice a person who is a bad influence to you, then beware of that person. However, if you think the positive side is in you, you can try to influence that person. But the best thing to do is to be surrounded by successful and disciplined people so that you will also grow.