POWERLESSNESS AND FEAR – DON’T THEY MAKE A WONDERFUL COUPLE

If absolute power corrupts absolutely, does absolute powerlessness make you pure?

 Harry Shearer

          Powerlessness is feeling that you have no control over a situation and that there are no solutions or remedies available. Living from a position of power must be learned. Many earlier experiences must be forgotten or reworked. When powerlessness is what we have unknowingly learned and mastered, it becomes self-perpetuating even when the controlling forces in question no longer dominate our lives. . Fleas can be put into a covered Petri dish and after unsuccessful efforts to jump to their freedom, they cease to try even after the lid has been removed.  An abused child may grow up to feel permanently powerless as an adult, even though his parents no longer control his life. The powerless lesson is so well learned that the individual becomes emotionally incapable of being healthily assertive as an adult. They are reluctant to ask for what they need much less fight, negotiate for or pursue what they desire. People who have learned powerlessness seldom feel entitled to speak, let alone speak freely.

We have to learn how to navigate the situations which make us feel impotent. Rage, perpetual anger and frustration are indicators of feeling powerlessness. Shame can often trigger feelings of impotency. Feeling powerless erodes our self esteem and self confidence. We forget what’s possible and begin to rationalize and accept the unacceptable. Awareness and correct identification of the feeling is the first step, then we need understand the specifics of what’s making us feel powerlessness. It’s primarily a mindset – moods change from good to bad and bad to good but the offending reality has stayed the same. Therefore it’s internal thought processes not external forces that determines our outlook and perspective. We fail to see the choices available to us. Acceptance of reality is a powerful choice available to us. Death, aging, infirmities, illness, surprises, delays all seem to be part of the human experience and need to be accepted and put into proper perspective (not necessarily liked but why waste time/energy on universal existential issues that we are all confronted with). Some things are inevitable: gravity and gravy seems to attack all of us. Lack of acceptance leads to frustration in trying fix the un-fixable. This isn’t a rationale to give up, but wisdom that conserves energy by giving inevitability its due. Going to the gym is a good thing; thinking that you will permanently prevent the aging process or escape death is delusional. Avoid trying to control the uncontrollable and change the unchangeable – think of all the times and all the ways you have tried to change others and almost always to no avail. Basically we either accept people or move on.

You have to learn separate your inner sense of worth from life’s uncertainties. We do have the power to change how we react and we can choose how we experience life. Living consciously provides the awareness to see choices and choices foster the feeling of power. When you fail to see and acknowledge the choices available to you is when you feel powerless. Victims who feel hopeless never see choices and consequently feel powerless.

A powerful choice available to us is to identify and seek those things which make us happy or make our lives work better and incorporate them into our daily routine. Framing a problem in vague generalities only prolongs the bad feelings of inadequacy and incompetency, you have to get into the specifics to effectively deal with feelings of powerlessness:

• Identify  what behavior, person, place, thing or situation is making you feel that your life is unmanageable
• Identify what it is about the problem that makes you feel powerless

Accept that any program to change behavior, habits and negative thinking is susceptible to relapse and back sliding. Don’t compound the problem by adding unnecessary suffering by beating yourself up for your human imperfections; we all have relapses. Perfection is a fantasy. Immediate gratification in the form of instant results is a fantasy (remember nothing of substance is achieved without commitment.)

Take one thing at a time, step by step with slow but steady realistic pace. You have been working a lifetime to develop bad habits and false personalities, so accept it’s going to take some time to change.

Journaling can help to pinpoint feelings of powerlessness and the choices that can help you reclaim your power. Ask yourself  these questions concerning the issue that triggers feelings of powerlessness:

• Why is it a problem?
• What efforts have I used in the past or am I currently using to regain my power?
• Are my current efforts working satisfactorily or failing and why?
• What resources or assistance have I enlisted to address the problem effectively?
• Is it something that is controllable or changeable or is it something that needs to be accepted?

We always have choices relating to managing our lives and the circumstances that make us feel powerless.