“It is not the perfect, but the imperfect who have need of love. It is when we are wounded by our own hand, or by the hands of others, that love should come to cure us.”
Over time we become fragmented and develop multiple personalities (subpersonalities) and as we shift from situation to situation and person to person, we unknowingly and automatically change from one learned subpersonality to another learned subpersonality. Each subpersonality has a distinct facial expression, posture and tone of voice which determines how people respond and react to us. The words spoken are secondary, the real message is conveyed via body language. What is being projected might be defined as an energy pattern. It’s not what is said, it’s how it’s said. What’s projected and the interpretation of that projection is the basis for the nature of the connection. It also determines whether the connection is genuine or superficial. Awareness allows you to see which subpersonality is in charge.
When dealing with others, we are always struggling with our own areas of unconsciousness (blind spots), disowned selves, and projections. In rare moments we are present and the real you shows up; the one that’s not identified with a subpersonality. We don’t laugh to be accepted or feel obligated to be upset about things that really don’t bother us. For me that means it’s OK to be an introvert and even though happily married it’s OK to dine alone in restaurants and go to the movie by myself when I choose to. To me that is freedom. It’s the freedom to be the real me. And the freer I am, the greater the feeling of ease, well-being, sufficiency, openness, acceptance and even compassion. I sense that these good feelings create better connection with others. Authenticity wins out over forced civility and fake happiness. In order to lead the fullest, richest life, we have to learn how to experience, live and communicate (with others and ourselves) the totality of our being and share our real selves.